Smoother Transitions with Your Kids
From..
getting ready for the day and shifting into school mode
watching a show on the couch to getting dressed and in the car for sports practice
video game time to homework time
… or even transitioning to a summer or vacation schedule… we often see transitions as a point of contention for our kids.
Resisting, stalling, arguing, the whole game of “just one more”— these are just a few things that kids can exhibit that make transitions challenging for all of us.
As a parent and in my time in the classroom, I have had my fair share of transitions to navigate with a variety of kids (and their various needs, personalities and preferences).
Here are six ways to make transitions easier for your kids, so life goes more smoothly for all of you.
Use a timer
This is an old trick that my husband and I use all the time. How many times have you said…. “Five more minutes…” or “one more minute” and then you get distracted and lose track of time, or have to come back in to be the “bad guy” to tell them it’s time to leave their friend’s house, or to clean up, etc. Insert: phone timer (or Echo, Google, your microwave or oven timer). The buzz or ding of the timer going off becomes the signal… NOT your presence or your voice. It makes SUCH a difference… and the language shift is key as well. “When the timer goes off in two minutes, it will be time to clean up your game.” We have far fewer arguments when we use the timer!
Positive Reinforcement for transitions
Maybe this is just praise, or even a reward for a certain number of smooth transitions, but sometimes I also lure them into the next activity with something they enjoy that’s waiting on the other side of the transition.
Examples:
“I can’t wait to read our new library books as soon as you get your pajamas on and brush your teeth.”
“I have your snack and smoothie ready in the car for you. You can have it as soon as you are buckled in.
This slight tweak in language (and good vibes / excitement from you) can really help shift the energy and give you some momentum in the right direction. If you want to learn more about positive reinforcement, I have an article here on this!
One step at a time.
Sometimes kids shut down because we’re saying too much, and/or we’re asking them to do too many things. Make sure you keep your language simple and focus on one step, one request at a time. This is not the time to explain or share why you need to leave (see #5 for more on this), just stick with simple directions on repeat with maybe a few of these other strategies thrown in.
Make it fun, silly, or a competition/game.
This will work differently for every family, and some kids will NOT do well with the competition piece… but breaking the tension with a little silly is hardly ever a bad idea. In our house, this works best in the morning with my four year-old who hates to get out of his pajamas and get dressed for school. It’s one of our toughest transitions and can throw the whole morning off. So… when my husband gets out of the shower, he starts a “race” with Sam to see who can get dressed faster. I will be waiting in his room with clothes laid out to help him get everything off and on again, and we are ready about 90 seconds later.
It’s also miraculous how little pushback I get about what shirt or pants I picked out for him! The focus is totally changed and this potential rough patch in our morning becomes something we look forward to.
Include Them In Big Picture
Create a schedule and give an overview of the day / week / time of day so that everyone can see the “big picture” and how things will flow. Focus it on your trouble spots. Maybe it’s creating a little visual checklist for the morning: wake up / play / eat breakfast / get dressed / pack bag / leave for school and talking about why it’s important that we stay on track (we get to school on time, we’re relaxed instead of being stressed out or rushed, we are prepared for the day). Maybe it is a weekly schedule of after-school activities if that’s where the struggle is. My advice is to consider writing this out or creating some kind of visual along with the schedule.
Discussion Stays Outside of the Moment.
When you’re in the actual moment of transition, communication needs to be firm and clear. This is NOT the time to talk about WHY we need to go, WHERE we are going, it’s not the time to renegotiate the plan or discuss if we want to continue with the sport or activity. Ideally, we are going to create another time for that conversation to happen if it needs to. When we leave space for conversation outside of the moment, our kids may be able to give insight into their resistance. My daughter Grace was giving us a really hard time about going to her Jiu-Jitsu class. She started the advanced class and in the winter, the class starts as the sun is setting… so she always gave me a hard time about getting her Gi on and getting in the car. We tried to set clear expectations, and I did good signaling for her throughout the afternoon… but only when I gave her the space to share outside of the moment was she able to tell me what the real issue was. Turns out the advanced class was really hard for her and she felt badly saying so… because we were so excited when she got moved into it. With this information, we were able to adjust the class she’s attending and all of a sudden, the resistance disappeared and she started requesting to go! My point is.. .there could be a reason behind the resistance and it’s worth giving our kids space to voice any concerns or problems they’re having.
One more bonus tip…
#7… Plan ahead with screen time.
Do you notice that transitions are harder when your kids are on their tablets or watching TV? Oof. YES.
Kids need extra time to detach from their screens… more reminders, more time, and even then it can be really hard. One thing I’ve found that works? I will actually start watching the show with them, or sitting down next to them and ask them to show me what they’re doing on their tablet. Then I will do a bunch of “wows” and show my devoted interest and then I will gently tell them that in a few minutes, we’re going to turn this off. It works so much better than stomping downstairs and announcing that it’s time to go and to put everything away immediately. Another thing you can do is set the parental controls on their devices (we have kindles and they work beautifully for this) to turn off the device at a certain time or after a certain number of minutes/hours of play. This kind of functions like the timer I talked about in the beginning of this little guide!
I hope you enjoyed these tips and found something useful for your family or someone you know… please pass it on!
Reminder List:
Use a Timer
Positive Reinforcement
One Step at a Time
Make it A Game (or Fun, or Silly)
Include Them In Big Picture
Discussion Stays Outside of the Moment
Plan ahead with screen time.